I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
