i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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