I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
