She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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