Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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