Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
