and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
