i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
