I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
