READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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