hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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