and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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