I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
