She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
