Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
