Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
how drunk are you?
Several
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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