i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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