I wish I could teleport
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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