I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
