Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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