Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
