Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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