Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am available for nakedness
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
