No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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