I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
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Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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