pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
