Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
