yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
