There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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