Define "chronic" masturbator.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize