Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
