the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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