I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want nice things and good sex
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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