Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
