You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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