I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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