she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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