we made out on top of his cat.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
