i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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