I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
