The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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