I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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