We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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