he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i think im in europe. pls send help
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
