I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
