found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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