Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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