I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
