Your face is a jimmy john
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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