So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
