We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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