glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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