Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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