True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
