im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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