Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
