I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
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