sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
