The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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