omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
