Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I want to fling myself into the sun
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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