My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
