You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
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Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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