woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
