I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
