he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
