they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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