it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
