i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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