We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
