omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
