So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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