I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
