If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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