I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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