just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just high enough for therapy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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