Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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