how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
